I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
