Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
