I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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