The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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