you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
