I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
