Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I will be naked everywhere
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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