Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
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Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
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Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
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