Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
