My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
