If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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