yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
