Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
