the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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