She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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