people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
