I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
As shirtless as possible
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
