I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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