I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
