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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
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