don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
