the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
