oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
