So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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