I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
