Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
This baby is an asshole
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
