Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
