and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
