i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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