The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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