I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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