you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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