Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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