but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
