Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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