I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
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