this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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