Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
