Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
