i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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