It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
