My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
