man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
