The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
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I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
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Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
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