Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
