he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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