Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
