What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
