Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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