My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
