My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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