What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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