I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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