i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
