I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
