just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
