she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
