So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
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Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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