Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
