There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
