The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
