I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
