1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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