So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'm having to shit out rocks
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
