I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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