moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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