I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
either way he was missing a nipple.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
